About four months ago, I wrote a blog entitled, “Why I’m walking away from my career”. Since that post, I have not written very much due to the transition that we’ve been going through. It’s been quite a ride! From career to ministry. From contractual security to raising financial support. From traditional education to homeschooling. I can sit back and say that our life has changed dramatically over the last 5 to 6 months. I can also say that there has been a peace beyond understanding that has settled our troubled hearts (John 14:27). But, I’m not going to say that every day has been wine and roses. It’s been tough. It’s not an easy thing to let go.
Over the course of the last two weeks, I allowed myself to get in a “funk”. I was grumpy, grouchy, and wanted nothing more than to deny every impulse and conviction to get out of it. If there was an Emmy category for “Best Actor in a Ministry Position”, I would have blown the competition away. Driving in to church, I was the human version of “grumpy cat”. Then once I was all set up and ready to receive our families, I turned in to one of those hyper-happy flight attendants. “Hi there! How are you?! Great to see you! God bless you! I’m so happy to see you today! How was your week?! Amen! Hallelujah! Glory to God!” Holy two-face Batman! It was quite a show. Once everyone was gone, the stick was securely reinstated in to its proper place. On the outside, I was singing the Lego song. But on the inside, I was being ripped to shreds. And, like I said before, my way of dealing with it, was not dealing with it. The weight of the transition, change in lifestyle, financial stress, and all else seemed to have dropped on me like a brick on an ant.
“This light is a revealing light. Whenever the light of the glory of Christ comes streaming into the heart it reveals the hidden things of darkness. When the glory of Christ is seen, then we see our own shame and sinfulness. Did it need God Himself to redeem us? Then we must have been in dire bondage. Did it need the incarnate God should die? Then sin must be exceeding sinful! That is a deep pit which needs that God should come from Heaven to lift us out of it. We never see the impotence and depravity of human nature as well as in the light of the glory of Christ.” ~ Charles Spurgeon (The Gospel of the Glory of Christ, March 31, 1889)
Ultimately, the Lord has been doing a salvation work in my heart. Am I a born-again Christian? Yes. Do I still need saving? Yes. Not a day goes by that I do not need the saving hand of my Lord to rescue me from living in a pit of despair. As Spurgeon stated above, it’s the light of His gospel and glory that allows us to live in the freedom of His joy. This is where my focus needs to be. Not only that, but continue to feed my heart and mind with His Word. Unlike the rich young man in Matthew 19, I choose not to walk away in sorrow, but continue to put one foot in front of the other and walk according to what God has called me to do.
You hear it all the time: Change is hard. My family has been experiencing this to its fullest extent lately. This change in life has been tough. It has stretched us. Yet, it has allowed us to rest completely in the promise of God’s Word. 1 John 1:5 says, “This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.” We are learning to live in the light of His truth. The light that brings salvation. The light that brings freedom. The light that frees us from living according to our own devices.
Thank you Lord Jesus for allowing us to take this course that stretches our trust in You and deepens our faith in your unwavering promises. Amen.